What About Your Friends?
“Whenever I’m down, I call on you my friend. A helping hand you lend in my time of need so I… I’m calling you now, just to make it through…”
Let me ask you something, it is absolutely dope to have friends that have been there with you for 20+ years, or since high school, yall are frat brothers or sorrors, but can you always talk to ALL or ANY of them about something you’re dealing with? I have watched enough movies and tv shows to know it’s probably not always the best idea to share every part of you with every friend… whether they’re bests or not.
But those are the homies, the broskis, my girls, my boos… why shouldn’t I talk to them?
Not that you shouldn’t talk to them at all, but I have become a firm believer in what I call “pocket friends”. Let me explain. There are certain times in life that you may need someone to be a bit easy with you, so you would choose which friend to talk to in that moment. You would talk to the kind-hearted friend who cries with you, prays with you and is a listening ear. If you talk to your other friend, they’re gonna pop off, or be insensitive and that’s not what you want or need in the moment. But then, you may need that friend one day because they will say the first thing that comes to mind (though it may not always be the most “refined” talk), and you know they’re honest no matter what. Then you may have times where you need that friend who is sharp with the tongue, yet has a tremendous amount of couth, can sit with the most prestigious people, yet cut them down to size with the most class. Yes indeed! See, depending on what you’re dealing with, or where you are at the moment, you might not be able to talk to all of them; you may have to slip them into certain “pockets”.
It’s not to be shady or fake, it’s to protect both you and them. You protect yourself by knowing who might be able to handle your issue, as well as which of their responses your heart can take at the moment. You protect them from either getting lash back or unfriended while you’re in a funky headspace. Nah, that’s real life. I had to figure out - and really, I’m still figuring in some areas - what I really need from my friends. There are times I will be feeling some type of way, and I will go to my contacts list and just… scroll. Which one? Which one? Hmm… It’s like trying to decide which pair of shoes you’re going to wear with this outfit today. There are three different pair you could wear, but each of them turn the outfit into something different, whether chilled, cute or sassy… so which one am I feeling like?
You may not always know which friend you need in that moment, or you may not want to talk to any of them. Even if you share what’s going on, you have the choice of sharing how you feel with them. You may choose to talk to someone who can help you on a deeper emotional or spiritual level. This is where your Pastor and/or your therapist comes in.
Pause. So unless your Pastor has a degree in psychiatry or counseling, please know that he or she is not the same thing as a licensed professional. Sometimes you need more than just prayer. I know I won’t get no “Amen’s” right there though.
The idea is to figure out what you need. If you don’t know how to do that, pray about it! No really, ask God which friend you need to talk to about it. You may not need any of them. Instead, you may need your boo, you may need your brothers, sisters, cousins, grandma, dad or your mama. Let me raise my hand on that last one! If your friends were really your good friends, they wouldn’t hold it against you for not coming to them, but they would be happy that you got the help or the answers you needed.
But check this out: you also have to recognize when you’re hiding from your friends.
Yep… bout to hit you right in the gut.
There are times where we hide from our friends because we already know they’re going to be voices of reason, and we don’t necessarily want to be reasonable in this moment. I sure have been there! More than once! You either don’t call them at all, or you call the friend you know you don’t need to call, because you know she’s the one that’s gonna give you the response you want. Uh-uh… don’t do it! You’ll ruin yourself and your emotions! It takes much longer to fix your emotions and mend your heart than it does to break them. Man, don’t I know it! Again, the idea is to figure out what you need. What you want may steer you wrong sometimes. What you need may not always feel good, but it will always be good for you. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother, but as much as they may love you and as much as you may trust them, they still may not be your answer and that’s okay! It’s no shade against your friends; you have to understand that you have to do what you need to do to keep you together! When you’re together and level-headed, then you can be the friend that they will need, no matter which pocket they put you in.
#AfternoonBoost
