Please Touch

“I wanna be, wanna be, where you are. Right now…”

All day, the two of you have been sending steamy or sweet messages back and forth to each other. You keep saying how you can’t wait to finally be in each other’s arms. You keep working, breezing through your day, because you’re anticipating the moment you can finally see the face behind all those sexy words you’ve been reading all day. You can’t wait to taste the lips where the voice of your love escapes from. Forget dinner, you’re gonna want to touch and kiss on that body you get to lay next to every night as soon as you see it. Your mind is ready, your body’s been ready. You close your eyes as you begin to daydream about later on; you smile. All of your senses come to life. You begin to hear what will be said and what music will be played. You can taste how sweet the kisses will be after dessert - or during (*wink*), and almost feel the touch of your lover. You can see their eyes scanning your whole body, trying to decide where to start. Then the smell of…

Wait… what is that smell?

You open your eyes to see your toddler standing right next to you, picking up the tablet that was dropped when he disappeared a few minutes ago, and now you know why. Now you smell why. Then you snap further back into reality as your oldest daughter walks through the door from school. You look at the clock and realize your youngest daughter will be getting out of school within the next hour. Time to go into action. Pick up your daughter, homework, dinner, dishes, family movie, clean up toys and mess, baths, showers, bed time. Somewhere in the middle of all of that, your love made it home and helped with the end of the day routine. Even still, by the time the girls stop talking and get in their beds, your toddler finally falls asleep after jumping in his big boy bed for 15 minutes, and the baby gets settled after his bottle, you both are so beat that you pass out on the bed without even acknowledging those steamy messages.

Wait… what just happened?

What happened to the sexiness? The anticipation of making love? All of your energy has been given to the chores and the children, leaving none for the moment of intimacy you have been anticipating all day. Is this a normal scenario for you? Let me be honest… it sure is for me. We have four children, ranging from ages 4 months to 16 years old (pray for us yall), so it’s extremely difficult to find a moment to be by ourselves, let alone find a “safe” time for sex! I mean, obviously something is going on, because we have four children right? But here’s the thing… unless it’s 1 or 2am, or the kids are at their grandparent’s house, it is next to impossible to sneak a moment of love into our days. And really, as tired as my husband is when he comes home from work, and as tired as I am after being home all day with the kids (especially during this quarantine), sex is sometimes the last thing on our minds. I understand there’s other ways to be intimate, or sex shouldn’t be the only thing you’re focused on in your marriage, but umm… it’s definitely a major part! Don’t you let nobody lie to you saying it’s not that serious if you go weeks without having sex! Unless there is something mentally (depression) or medically going on - like having a baby - then there is no reason weeks should go by without physical intimacy.

First of all, making sure sex happens between husband and wife is Biblical, mmkay? And that’s all I have to say about that. Please read I Corinthians 7:5. Amen church?

No really! Annnnd, it reduces stress, it releases endorphins (which are natural pain killers), you burn calories (come on summer body!), it’s an antidepressant, it gives you energy and naturally brings the two of you closer. Why wouldn’t you want to fight to make all that happen??? I understand there’s so much going on at home with the kids, working from home, being an essential worker (my husband is one), online schooling, cleaning, cooking, laundry —

Wait… sidebar: are yall washing and folding in the same day since we have time now? I mean, there’s not too much to wash, outside of pajamas, sweats, t-shirts, sheets and towels. We should have time to do that now, right? Are you able to do it? Well, I can say, as for me and my house… yea it’s still a no. But I digress.

So even with all that happens in a normal day, you MUST make time for each other. There has to be a moment of physical intimacy every day. It doesn’t matter if it’s a make-out session, a long hug, a full body, intimate massage, or sex. Your souls connect when your bodies touch. When there is an exchange of [sexual] energy between the two of you, your connection becomes deeper. So how can you make that happen, even with everything going on? You might have to plan it. Sounds less than fun to plan or schedule sex, but until things calm down, it might be the way you have to go. If you always leave it up to finding the “right” moment, but those moments seem few and far between, it may never happen. Then you both end up frustrated, you become distant and the energy in the house is out of whack.

Ask me how I know.

At least if you plan it, you can make it happen how you want it to. Whether it’s a quickie while the kids are eating, or a full on encounter when you both fall out on the bed. Use that last bit of energy and make sparks fly! Sex often leads to more sex, so afterwhile, you won’t need a schedule anymore. Another thing, understand that even if it’s 15 minutes, touching each other is beneficial… period. Don’t put a demand for sex on each other, put a demand to be touched on each other. Touching often leads to sex, but if it doesn’t, who doesn’t like to be touched in a sweet or spicy way by their boo? Even if touch is not your main love language, in those moments of intimacy, it rises to the top! Touch on purpose. Walk up behind her while she’s washing dishes and grab her waist. Kiss her cheek, neck, head, shoulder… whatever she likes. Brush up against his back while he’s making lunch. Smack his butt while he’s brushing his teeth (or hers). Stare at him seductively in the mirror while he’s shaving, getting dressed or washing his face. Give each other hints that you’re open for whatever possibilities that day holds. Keep those sweet and sexy words and texts going throughout the day. Then, once the night comes, if you’re still open, make things happen. Shower together if he comes home late. Or due to the pandemic, let your essential worker shower first, but save your shower for later on and call them back in to help you (yes sir!). You can eat a late dessert together. You can fall asleep naked under a comfy blanket (your bodies will naturally gravitate to each other being naked). You can even turn down the lights, climb into bed and fall asleep to love songs playing. You just might wake up and hear the right song that will make you want to wake each other up in the middle of the night for some sugar and spice.

Ask me how I know baby!

This is all foreplay! Don’t think of that as a dirty word, it’s essential for the quality of the moment when you actually have a chance to touch your husband or your wife. Bottom line, please touch. Don’t let life’s responsibilities and craziness rob you of your moments of love with each other. Yes, love is more than sex, so make sure you’re making time for all of it! Help each other, be open with each other about what you do and don’t want, be fair to each other and be understanding. But no matter what… make each other a priority and by all means, HAVE FUN!! Oww!

#MidniteBrew